Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships

This detailed, user-friendly, and conscientious book deals with nearly every imaginable aspect of intimate human relationships, covering everything from analingus to apologies (not necessarily related topics). It comes with a glossary, a handy list of resources, and a “How to Use This Book” preface, so readers in search of information or advice can quickly find what she/he/they need. The author is well aware of the sexual and emotional concerns of people who do not identify as traditionally male or female, and her approach is based on the principle that no assumptions about gender identity, sexual orientation, pleasure, or sexual roles are safe anymore. Everything must be explicitly negotiated, including money matters, “kinky” business, and the boundaries of what “sex” means for each person. This is, therefore, a very helpful book for those who feel in need of a lexicon for the new sexual marketplace, as well as for the merely curious who wonder what unexplored avenues of pleasure may await them. For this very reason, however, it often seems to be preaching to the choir: it takes a generalized climate of sex-positivity for granted, a utopian idea that this book, sadly, will not bring much closer to realization.